Apple 2 Hourglass

Where is the track

2010-01-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

I've lost the track and I need to get back on it. Have a GF who is getting married in September and I would dearly love to be 10 kilos lighter. But this means I have to pull my finger out NOW and stop stuffing around.

Just wish I could find the right track, or at least my motivation to find it.

New man is still hanging around, we'll see how things go, but I have high hopes and i've started counting chickens, which means I guess that if it doesn't work out, i'll have another broken heart. Can't deal with even the thought of that.

Maybe this "gem" taken on New Years Eve should be motivation e-bloody-nough!!!!!

Not even sure what week it is now

2009-12-03T02:27:00.000-08:00

Got way-layed. Met someone. Trying to keep it real.
Can't survive another broken heart.

Weight loss shmeight loss!

;0)

Week two

2009-11-15T18:07:00.003-08:00

Lost 1.5 kg in week one, yay me.

It wasn't that difficult, but it never is when you're motivated.

Now for week two.

Organised

2009-11-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Right - i've done a healthy shop - seriously healthy.

I'm going to use up my slim shakes for breakfast and lunch this week at work, but i'm also going to have healthy snacks in between and meat and veg or meat and salad for dinner.
I want to kick 5 kilos by Christmas and then another 5 by June next year.

Totally do-able, just need to stop areseing around and DO IT.

I'm going to give myself one night a week off - where I can have whatever I want for dinner. Let's see how that goes.

Step one

2009-10-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

Didn't get any groceries done on the weekend, so no "plan" in place for me.

I really need to get organised food wise, it makes life so much easier.

I made a list, just got lazy and didn't go to the shops.

I feel better this week though, I haven't been snacking as much at work and cooking my own meals at home, even if I haven't been shopping, is so much healthier than what I was eating before.

The plan is to be under 80kg by December and then next year i'll start my 80 to 70 marathon!

10 kilos in a year, should be very do-able - as long as I have a plan.

I'm back, not sure how long for though.

2009-10-23T19:08:00.001-07:00

I have some very big decisions to make in the near future, and I have to sit down and work out what is worthwhile, and what is baggage and have a big cull. Physically AND mentally, I need to make a plan, decide what I want and where I want to be, and work at it. I need goals, not just feathery dreams - solid goals - so I need to start at the very beginning - with a pen and a very large piece of paper!

I need motivation, inspiration, dedication and grit.

I need to work out what my priorities are, and get started with sorting out my life.

First of all, I need to get rid of all the crap in my house, then the crap in my life (some of that has moved on - all on it's own - which has saved me some time!!).

I need to look after me first, it's what everyone else seems to do. I need to start feeling good about myself again and not letting the negativity and neediness of others affect me. Lately i've been in contact with some very needy and negative people, and i'm over it. I'm sure i've been one of these people in the past (maybe you're nodding your head at this) but I don't like it, I can't always see it, but I don't like it anyway.

Time for change.

Time to formulate a plan.

Time for Project Me......

sorry

2009-05-24T04:43:00.001-07:00

back to the password blog - if you don't remember the address or want access - email me.

Help

2009-05-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

You have used 756 out of your net daily budget of 1370 calories and have 614 calories remaining. 15% of the calories are from fat, 29% from protein, 56% from carbs and 0% from alcohol.

This is what Calorie King has said to me for the last couple of days. When I don't eat many carbs (I mean bread, rice, pasta, chocolate, lollies, biscuits etc) and don't drink alcohol or too much caffeine, I physically cannot eat - I have to force myself to eat things, cos I don't get hungry. The trouble is - as soon as I eat something I shouldn't be eating, I get out of control and it's back to eating everything in site. What's worse? Eating 1000 cals a day and losing 500 gms a day (at the moment, I know it will lessen quite quickly and soon) or eating like a pig and putting on a few kilos every year?

I love not feeling hungry. But I hate having a net of 600 cals left over at the end of the day and thinking maybe i'm doing the wrong thing. If i'm not hungry, i'm not hungry, right?

Help......

Day 5

2009-05-14T16:57:00.001-07:00

Weigh in day is Friday - cos it is!

83.3 this morning - yay me.

I know a lot of this will be fluid but if I can keep this up I will be very happy.

I'm very proud of myself. I've been so strong.

10 kilos to go til I get to my lowest weight.

No-one ever says this is easy, in fact its very very tough, plus i'm going through some other stuff right now too that isn't helping. But i'm hanging in there, and that's the main thing.

Day 3

2009-05-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

Day three of no carbs - bloating has gone - lethargy has gone - caffeine withdrawal headache has nearly gone - need to remember how good this feels when the carbs are calling my name!

On track

2009-05-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

I love being motivated and strong, it's the best feeling. You have to take advantage of it while it's around and kick it's arse.

I'm doing that.

We had a birthday at work today, I had to go and buy fancy cakes (can highly recommend Croissant D'or for anyone travelling to Canberra and needing cake! It's on West Row in Civic). So I chose and purchased said cakes, and took them back to the office, set the table, called everyone to afternoon tea and sat and ate my yoghurt and drank my water - and felt very smug!

Someone actually said they admired my willpower - well I don't normally have it so when it's around I have to make full use of it.

But that did make me feel much better.

Accountability

2009-05-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

I need accountability - i'm going back to using Calorie King each day and watching my calorie intake etc.

I have spent some of this morning putting all of my CK data into a spreadsheet (from 2006 til now). I started out in March 2006 at 78 kilos, gosh I wish I was there now!

Lowest weight in the last three years 73.3 - highest is today's (85.5).

I've gained (net) 7.5 kilos in three years (not too bad, could have been worse) but I need to fix it.

When I get back to 73.3 i'll then decide where i'm going from there. I've been there before, I have the data to prove it!

Wish me luck kiddies .....

FFS

2009-05-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

Rightio, enough piss arsing around. It's time to get serious.

I'm sick of being fat, tired and bloated.

I'll be back with a plan sometime over the next week, watch out world - this woman is on a mission to fit back into her wardrobe! (Literally).

Happy Easter

2009-04-09T17:07:00.002-07:00

I'm in Melbourne. I love Melbourne, mostly because of the great people I know who live here! You know who you are! and the food, i've never had a bad meal in Melbourne. Shark Fin Inn here I come!!

I've walked around the Albert Park Lake twice in two days! Woo hoo. Yesterday I went at lunchtime and there were a heap of people out with their personal trainers - with those elastic bands tied around trees and fighting against them, people boxing, running up hills, doing those push ups that you do with your arms while you're squatting (whatever THEY are called - not anything I like doing! haha). There were also (obviously) a lot of walkers and even more joggers. I have always wanted to be able to jog or run, but after watching these people i'm not so sure. None of them are smiling, none of them look like they're enjoying themselves, and all of them look like they're in pain!!

People's running styles are so different, i've never noticed that before. One guy I was watching chucked his left leg out every time he stepped on his right foot, it was hilarious. Other people shrink down, some run sideways, other people have one shoulder dropped, it was fascinating!! It's awesome to see someone who looks comfortable when they are running, it's so smooth and looks so easy, they are few and far between though!

Today i'm meeting Jodie - we've been internet buddies for 5 years but we've never met in person. I'm so excited. I hope I don't say anything stupid. Meeting people from the internet is like meeting superstars, you know so much about them but when you meet them you're gob smacked! haha I'm sure we'll be fine though. I've bought some champagne!
Jodie is cooking a special dish for us today. I love it when people cook for me, and especially if it's something new, I can't wait.

Mark is working in Melbourne over Easter and I came down rather than sitting at home on my own. Lachie is with his Dad til Monday and then he's dropping him at my Mum's for next week.
I miss him so much, but i'm getting lots of reading done. I'm onto the third Twighlight book now, they are interesting. Has anyone else read them?

I'm flying back to Canberra on Tuesday morning and going straight to work - bah, at least it's a short week. Mark won't be back til Thursday, same day Lachie comes back - so i'll have a couple of nights on my own. Our new house is SO big compared to my tiny house i've lived in for the last twelve months. It has a great view over the suburb below at nighttime - I have always wanted to live in a house where you have a great view. I must try and take some photos and post them.

Happy Easter!

Happy

2009-04-09T17:07:00.001-07:00

I'm lost

2009-03-23T14:56:00.001-07:00

Not so long ago, I was well on the way back to being 75 kilos, I was only a couple of kilos off - less than three kilos away and at times nearer to two kilos away.

This week i'm just under 85 kilos. What the FUCK happened there?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm down on myself, i'm pissed off and i'm starting the downwards spiral again. I need to get out of it, I need to get motivated, I need to give myself a slap upside the head and stop ruining all the good work i've done, otherwise i'll be back to a hundred kilos before I know it. My clothes are so tight, i'm very tired. I have a neck/back issue at the moment and i'm going to physio for it - it's affecting everything I do.

As for weight loss though - bottom line is - I can go either way - up or down - the choice is mine and mine alone.

I'm thinking about doing a week of Lite and Easy - has anyone tried it recently? (I've heard it called light and hungry in the past). Or maybe I should just get out my old WW magazines and do a week of sticking to that. Either way I need rules, I need defined borders and I need to stick to it for a full week. I know that i'll feel better, less tired and less down on myself - it's just getting started.

We're moving in a week, I have so much to do and organise. At least i'll be getting some incidental exercise.

If anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated.....

NOT a weight loss blog for the moment.

2009-03-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

I've always wondered what the fuss was about love. Don't get me wrong, i've been seeking it my whole life. I've had my share (*ahem*) of relationships, a few marriages - none of them worked. I never felt the huge spark, the lightning bolt, the pain of not being with the person you adore. Sure i've been attracted to people, had some good times, more bad times and a lot of nothing times. I've struggled through, trying to find something special.

I thought I knew what love was, I thought i'd felt it, I thought since my relationships all failed that I was doing something wrong, maybe I wasn't meant to find "true love", or as most people reaffirmed to me in the last couple of years, that it really didn't exist - "love is not like in the movies" they would say - "it doesn't happen to real people", "there is no such thing as a knight in shining armour", "you just have to find someone you can talk to - someone that you can 'put up with' for the rest of your life and try and do your best", "Mr Right only exists in Disneyland"...

Gosh, that's pretty horrific. Way to burst a girl's bubble.

Yet, I've always hoped somewhere in the very back of my mind that there was one person for me, and that I just hadn't met him yet. One person who would sweep me off my feet and dance me to the end of love. I lived in hope. Many people tried to sway my opinion and i'm sure more than a few people thought I was a bit mad and they more than likely did a lot of head shaking in my direction.

I guess very sadly, to tell the truth, I was becoming a doubter - people were finally beginning to convince me that I was wrong, at 42 years of age, I had finally come to the very sad realisation (earlier this year) that I wouldn't find my "Mr Right", that he didn't exist, that everyone was right to think that there was no such thing as real love, true love, earth shattering - bone tingling - heart melting love.

Sure i'm all for it, I have watched a lot of girly movies where some handsome stranger steals the heart of the forlorn herione. I've cried buckets watching scenes where the couple struggle along without each other, only becoming one when they're together. I've gasped as they finally stop fighting their feelings and come together for a life of eternal happiness (more tears required here too) and a lot of kissing (with no pash rash - cos it's the movies, right and that doesn't happen either!?!).

But none of that happens in real life, right? Real people don't get those feelings. It's not possible to fell that strongly about someone. There is no such thing as 'true love' - love shmuv.

WRONG, it does exist and it is possible ... and it's happening to me right now and I am absolutely, without a doubt, the happiest person on the planet right now.

Guess what??? - i'm here to tell you that there IS such a thing as earth shattering - bone tingling - heart melting love.

It IS possible that when the man of your dreams kisses you, you feel it all the way down to your toes.

It IS possible to spend hours staring at someone you love, being unable to wipe the smile from your face.

and it IS possible to find your soulmate in this lifetime. You just have to be very very patient and just when you least expect it, it will happen.

Maybe some of you already feel like this, but this is all new to me, and i'm loving it!

To everyone who reads this blog, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being there for me, i'm probably going to be a bit quiet on here for a while - there's a lot happening in the next few weeks. You all have my email address so you can contact me there if you like.

Until I get back, into some semblence of normality, take care, be good, and believe in true love!!!

Woo hoo.....

B

Another big day ...

2009-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

I have to pack three different bags for Lachie today. One to go to his Dad's tonight and then for school tomorrow.

Another for him going to my Sister's tomorrow night and then school the next day.

Then one for 4 days because i'm taking Lachie up to my Mum's in Sydney straight after work on Tuesday (normal babysitting arrangements are unavailable this week).

So actually that's five bags altogether. I don't even know where to start. Not only do I have to worry about clothes and wonder what the weather will do, I have to write a list for the ex telling him how to make Lachie's lunch for two days and then another one explaining what to put in his school bag.

Ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr - why is everything always left up to meeeeeee?????

Oh and i'm meeting Mark's kids today. EEP

2009-02-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

Life is busy, i'm sorry I haven't updated for a while.

Things are going so well with Mark and I that we've decided to move in together. We have found a gorgeous house in the same suburb i'm in now (close to grandma for childcare continuance!). We move in on the 1st of April.

I can't wait to start our new life together.

I can honestly say that before I met Mark, I had NEVER been in love before. I had no idea I could feel so strongly about someone (children aside). It's amazing and I hope this feeling never goes away. In fact I doubt it will because it just gets stronger every day.

As for my weight, it continues to stay the same - I really need to hunker down and get serious, but it will happen. I'm not pressuring myself into a corner with it, I have way too much on my plate at the moment to even contemplate putting that kind of stress on myself.

I haven't read any blogs for a few weeks now so I hope you're all ok.

A Trip

2009-02-18T17:08:00.003-08:00

Hands up who lives in Brisbane and has a couple of hours to spare on Sunday 1 March, just after lunchtime?

2009-02-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

This is supposed to be a weight loss blog girls, not a gossip site!!

Ok, ok, here you go:

His name is Mark. He is awesome, he is my knight in shining armour, I fell in love with him the first time I spoke to him. I feel like a teenager, I cannot think about anything else, he fills my mind 24 hours a day. I'm hopeless at work at the moment cos I just can't concentrate. He just blows me away - he's intelligent, funny, absolutely gorgeous looking, enthusiastic about everything, he has the most amazing sexy voice i've ever heard and he has the best smile and laugh. It just makes me melt. I feel like i've been waiting my whole life for him.

He makes me feel beautiful and important and that I could do anything I want.
I am the luckiest person on the planet right now.

After all that i've been through, I didn't think this was a possibility for me, and I actually didn't think this kind of thing existed. I have never felt like this before, ever.

I can't think about anything else, it's ridiculous but so very very awesome. I have definitely won the love lottery.

Happy Valentine's Day*!!

*passes bucket for those who are anti-V-Day hahaha

More hints!

2009-02-13T00:09:00.001-08:00

I am a very lucky girl! (and NO Chris - you bloody tart - i'm not pregnant!!) ha ha

Fate

2009-02-10T21:39:00.001-08:00

I believe in fate. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
You can't stop it, it's meant to be.
Something really really wonderful is happening in my life.
I don't want to jinx myself, so i'm not going to say too much.

I am happier than i've been in a very long time.
I'm laughing and smiling all the time.

I love my life right now.

No prizes for guessing what's going on but i'll give you more information in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime if you're looking for the happiest person on the planet - here I am !!

Bad bad bad bad bad

2009-02-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my weight was 82.7, today it was 84.4.

How can that be?

Why do I now feel so depressed that I just want to eat everything in sight.

I want to get back to 78 like I was before Christmas, this is spiralling out of control. I didn't eat that much yesterday, it was too hot, and I worked in the garden for an hour an a half in the 35 degree heat and sweated like a pig.

What is going on ?????????????????

Uh oh

2009-01-29T02:20:00.000-08:00

Fallen off the wagon, giving myself til the end of my holiday to get over myself, then it will be serious. I need to stop letting myself eat crap whenever I like.

I've stopped taking (under medical supervision) my anti-depressants and that has taken me a while. I've had enough excuses though, I don't need them anymore, my life is ok.

The scales are still at 82 ish so not too much damage done.

I really want to concentrate on getting back to 75kg and then i'll worry about what to do next.

I did buy a skipping rope, but it's been too damn hot to start. High 30's every day (that's celcius) and today at work we had no air conditioning, bleuch. It's still 30 degrees as I type this and I have to lock the house up to go to bed shortly.

The weather is driving me mad, bring back the snow I say!!

I'll be back at some stage with my half thought up plan for post holiday survival.

Motivation, where are you?

2009-01-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

I really need to get organised, i've lost my motivation for good eating.
My house is spotless though, I thoroughly cleaned everything yesterday (my Mum was visiting).
So I feel good about that.

Had a loss of 0.5 this week, which i'm very happy about. I've gone back to parking at the furthest away car park from work so that I have to walk a lot further.

I'll be better this week.

Day three of project Hourglass

2009-01-06T13:06:00.000-08:00

It's too hot to exercise, tomorrow will be 11 degrees cooler than today, how can that happen? It's such a huge difference. I will be back to parking my car far away and walking 30 mins a day tomorrow - at the moment i'm being a bit lazy and parking closer - I hate sweating!!

Yesterday I went out for lunch with my sister, we had a nice Chicken tandoori and salad wrap (no chips) and I had a Chai Latte Freezaccino - OMG - it's the best thing i've ever tasted in my life - well, maybe the best thing i've tasted all week!! Not sure how many calories are in one - but I didn't care at the time - it was a boiling hot day, the drink was cold - that's it in a nutshell really.

Day two of project Hourglass

2009-01-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

I did ok yesterday til I got home. I had a turkey and lettuce sandwich for dinner, it was too hot to eat, then I remembered there was ice cream in the freezer. So, did I pick the 97% fat free one? NO - I finished the white chocolate and raspberry ice cream - goodness knows how many calories in that one, but it's gone now and I won't be buying any more! There was only a weenie bit left anyway.

Day two is off to a good start.

It's meant to get to 37 degrees today. Blah. I hate the heat. I also hate showing my arms, but despite this fact I am wearing a singlet to work today, it's too hot for anything else and i'm past caring what people think about my fat arms etc, there are a lot worse than me walking among us!

Staying anonymous

2009-01-04T18:34:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to stay anonymous, not sure if it will work. New year, new blog.

Clean slate, starting again.

I should have an hourglass figure, but i'm a bit of an apple at the moment. I need to get rid of my belly, don't need to lose as much weight as "they" say I should. I'd be quite happy with getting to 70 kilos, so that is where i'm starting. I had lost 4, but put three back on at Christmas time.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

Testing Testing

2009-01-04T18:29:00.001-08:00

First post, just to test if this works!